


Anarchy

by AssassinFaith01



Category: Dawn of the Planet of the Apes (Movies), Rise of the Planet of the Apes (Movies), War of the Planet of the Apes (2017)
Genre: Army, Blood and Gore, Blood and Torture, Confinement, Drinking, Infected Characters, Militia, Multi, Murder, Post-Apocalypse, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Psychological Trauma, Simian Flu Pandemic, Starvation, alpha-omega
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-25
Updated: 2018-04-27
Packaged: 2019-04-07 15:36:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 8
Words: 21,923
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14084073
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AssassinFaith01/pseuds/AssassinFaith01





	1. Prologue

**I**  remember when the streets used to be crowded.

Filled with people who weren't scared, hungry, or even infected.. hard to believe everything took such a harsh turn. Many were young and old. Many thought they could live through this darkness. Bravery isn't what pushed many to have the desire to live. It was fear.

The fear to steal and murder, anything to stay alive. I hate being afraid. Fear had forced me to do things I still regret. Blood was the price to pay in my situation. Nothing what my father and brother did. I hate them for it. That they don't have blood staining their hands.

Blood. The color is a crucial and harmful reminder that was common in everyday life during the Outbreak. Even then more blood will spill in the holy war to come. That's the last thing anyone wants right now, and any choice will lead up to such damned consequences. I can't even bear the mere thought of it, but I'm fine.

The last ten years showed what human's are truly capable of. No law, order, happiness, and a peaceful rest. All because of one man who thought he could create a miracle drug. I blame him, and I blame those who didn't stop him. Though it was every one's fault who have done nothing to prevent the Outbreak.

The thorn of the past that will never go away. I hope that someday I'll shatter the fragile glass that is the pain, guilt, sympathy, and regret. A nice thought to think about. I hope for it. Am I truly that selfish to feel nothing? Perhaps..

Hope. such a word that I cling to, yet despise. Funny to say it's what keeps my sanity in place. In fact maybe for many others it does as well. And with that hope someday we'll rise again in a new dawn. But such crucial thoughts believe it will never happen. Yet the thoughts that are pleasing to bear says different. Mostly to question the cost.. what is our cost for salvation?

Will we have another downfall? We will be wiped out from the face of the earth? Or to join in unity with others through the thickness of blood ties, feeling sired of those who appear craving for a desire of salvation, peace, and a court of power. With a division that begins with a **rise**  in doubt, a  **dawn**  that is crowned after the surviving hours of darkness, and then the tide of  **war**  that will be the cage from freedom. To the point where I'll never.. never stop fighting to receive my salvation in this new world. To never be restricted in a prison of fear...

_Never._

For this is a land plagued by  **anarchy**.


	2. Lover's Rest

**August 5th, 2026** _,_ **San Francisco, California.**

_" **P** eople among the streets are already rising in riots."_

_"The virus caused by the ALZ-113 drug have caused citizens to die within a few days. Take caution of the infected, follow all precautions in schools, work, everywhere."_

_"The CDC suggest that the cause of the breakout was from the escaped apes a week ago. It is known that the apes who inhaled the ALZ-113 drug are to be contagious as of carrying the virus. As proceeded to take caution, if in contact of an ape shoot on sight!"_

_"Those who aren't killed by the virus. Will probably die in the fighting. So, maybe this is it. Maybe this is how it ends. Pretty soon... There won't be anyone left."_

There are people left. Upon the Colony, many are around in one place. New York, where Tom Ross' community resides.

Hell... everywhere actually. If one may even look of course.

"This is nice..." I whisper. Away from the city limits. Away from the crowded buildings amd everyone else. It's nice.

"We can't stay out here for too long" the forefront of my mind hears my brother's words, but faintly. This is the best part about the supply runs,. I'm able to go farther away from the Colony. Climb up on one of the houses to take in the fresh air and just... be grateful that I'm alive.

Is it selfish to be so grateful of being alive? Maybe. My heart aches for all the lost souls who died during the ten years. If I had, to be honest, I'm not afraid. Half of that is a lie. I'm afraid to live in this world.

I'm not afraid to die someday. I keep hope near my soul, but it can disappear like a speck of dust. The dust being so frail and could easily be wiped away. I'll continue to hang on; to hope, for everyone and most importantly, my family.

As Jess always said, 'Family is all.'

Someday I will die, there is always a reason. I know that once I do. That I'll be at peace. Away from the madness that struck into desolate wastelands. I hover my fingertips gently over the tattoo that is wrapped around my forearm. I'm not entirely sure as to why the minor chose this design.

Swirls of ink are closed in around my fingers, flowing above my wrist. The intricate designs are of flecks of feathers being ripped away. Five of the feathers remained to be in place of the black ink swirls. Untouched from the harm of the world, never sinned, never done wrong. To be fair the only thing I said to the minor who done my tattoo was _"Go crazy."_ Bile had stung my throat throughout the whole process of the needle piercing my flesh. Tears threatened to appear in my eyes. God it was so many hours of whimpering and swearing softly under my breath. _The sixth feather was.. well it connected with the swirls. Being apart of the chaos and madness. I dedicated that feather to Carrie._

Who would the other two be? The only four people that have been in my presence for ten years and taken care of me has been my father, George Grant. My brother, Tanner Grant, a dead girlfriend of my father's, and Hope Rodman. Despite Hope being the niece of the man who had caused the Outbreak. It was one hell of a convincing to actually like Hope in the beginning. I hated that my brother was dating the niece of a damned scientist. Let's just say It took three years to finally warm up to her.

"Yeah let's go" with that being said I climbed back down from the house. Supply runs haven't been doing great for awhile. Less food, which is more important now that fall is coming. Then it will be winter, more harsher and more harder to get any food at all.

"Wait-let's check one of the old pharmacies nearby. Hope mentioned the infirmary is low on medicine now." My head shifted back to the path of the Colony. He was right. Medicine is running lower now like the food. I nodded towards my brother for him to lead on. We did have to leave soon before nightfall. Mainly because of the wild animals that roam around at night.

Though we did good on other supplies- really good if I say so myself. With a lot of the material we've found I would be able to trade some of it in the merchandise market back home. I always kept an open mind when my brother and I come around these old neighborhoods. Signs for any animals such as rabbits, squirrels, hell even a deer if we're lucky enough. Our attention is mainly for those that are rogue survivors.

But most importantly... any signs of apes.

Part of my mind will want to shoot one on instinct, but the other part wants to show sympathy. I'm still cautious about the Simian Flu. Even after so many years it's probably gone. The apes might possess the drug in them. They're all gone as I know. There was a forest fire here in the San Francisco's Muir Woods when the Simian Flu was introduced in 2016. The firestorm was brutal from what Hope told me. There's no way that any ape survived in the Muir Woods. I noticed the glassy look in Hope's lightened gaze. Was she sad that those apes have died?

Everyone else back home still believes that the apes are still out here. One of the many reasons why there's security.

I clicked my tongue in annoyance as we searched through an old pharmacy. Seriously did people just swallow the pills and leave the bottle? I threw the little bottle to the side hearing it clatter and began to rummage through the shelves.

"Find anything, Tanner?" I waited for his response, but the store was utterly quiet "Tanner come on" I swear to god he better not sneak up on me...

"Miriam out here!" A wave of relief hit me as I heard his voice from outside. In truth I've been mostly doing supply runs for the last three years. Mainly with my friend, Julia Matthews. We both go willingly to look for any supplies; clothes, ammo, weapons, food, pretty much anything that is of use.

"Whoever the son of a bitch that was here before us left a lot of good supplies." My excitement excelled as I quickened my pace, "Wait do you mean some food?".

"More than food uh- some syringes full of anesthesia, penicillin, blankets, clothes, hell. A lot of good stuff. Look at this though." His hand stretched out with miniature cards. I automatically grabbed the cards as I recognized a symbol. _The U.S. Army?_

The U.S. Army were in charge of the quarantine camps when the Outbreak first hit. These cards were ration cards, shit, they never did much use for my family back in Utah. There were three of us and we only got one loaf of bread, and a few meal kits that didn't even last a week. Then... I don't know. The army just left and headed up north. Pretty much abandoning the last few survivors in the quarantine camps.

"So, what, the person before us was a soldier who kept an eye on supplies?"

"Looks like it. If there was someone here before us then yeah, maybe they were a soldier or another survivor. My guess was that the fool died from the looks of it."

I blinked and glanced towards the concrete sidewalk. Multiple old blood stains, my chest caved from the sight of it. Of course a graffiti symbol on the wall immediately caught my attention. Causing bile to sting my throat from the faded image.

_Alpha-Omega._

"Miriam! Tanner! Hurry up we gotta go!"

"Hold on Preacher!" Turning back to my brother we gathered all that we could into our backpacks. Our shoes begin crunching above the gravel as we run off. Going past the old neighborhoods and little stores that came our way. One house caught my eye that I've been dying to check out.

Hope's home.

Her uncle's house actually, maybe find some of his old records and stuff about the drug that mutated into what it was years ago. As far as I know the house is probably ransacked of anything. Unless I'm lucky enough to find something of his research.

Every step that we've made finally reached Preacher. A guy whom I've been great friends with for a few years and is in security. Bad with the shooting range of a gun, but is excellent with a crossbow.

"What you got scared being alone out here?" Tanner joked as he punched Preacher in the arm who laughed along with him, "Shut up man you know how your guy's dad is when it gets late".

"We know, we know Preacher" I reply patting him on the back with a sly smile. I honestly couldn't wait to get back home. Finally can have more time to myself and put the paint I found a few weeks ago to good use. So awhile it rains tomorrow... boy it will be a peaceful and relaxing day for me.

Once we all enter the tunnels Preacher locks up the opening as we go down the path. The reason for even going through the old tunnels is to avoid any wild animals that could attack us on the way to the city. Which we learned quickly from a few incidents that happened with the minors. By the time we finally get home it was dusk, almost nightfall. Alright, I still have enough time to trade the material I found for something.

"Tanner do you mind unloading the stuff we found once you get to the Police Station? Gotta head to the merchandise market on the way home before it closes".

"Sure Miri, don't do anything reckless" Tanner replied, with a hint of humor in his voice.

"Since when am I reckless?" My smile grew as I ran outside and towards the unfinished mall. Lanterns were dimly lit on the streets, people riding bikes or walking home to eat with their families. Same thing everyday, _makes me think of how far we've come_. I made an effort to greet and wave at people awhile I hurried my pace. Today the merchandise market's items were on sale. So I would definitely be able to purchase some paintbrushes that were handmade by civilians that worked in the textile industry of the Colony.

"Excuse me! Coming through!" I yell excitedly as I slip past people who snapped at me in annoyance and grimaced as I rushed inside of the unfinished mall. It took me a few minutes to finally get to the stand that was luckily still opened. I approached the owner of the little stand she owned. A woman in her mid-thirties that sold both handcrafted jewelry and other materials. The woman gave me a gentle smile as she handed another civilian whatever they purchased and turned to me.

"So anything good from my best trader?".

"Totally!" I untied the small sack from my belt and handed it to the woman who narrowed her eyes at the materials I presented to her. As in materials it mostly meant berries, old copper, coins, and any little trinkets that could be used for the stuff she makes and sells.

"Perfect! I am sorry Miriam, but the paint brushes aren't quite completed yet. Though I did see an old one awhile I was cleaning out my storage today. So let me check in the back" I gave her a thankful smile as she headed through an old curtain. Old or new. A paintbrush was a paintbrush in my eyes. So I'm grateful for whatever I received from her. Out of the corner of my eye I see a young girl. Possibly around ten, pale blond hair and wow... her eyes are so beautiful and blue. More blue than my own families and Malcolm's.

"What's your name?" I asked, the little girl shyly looked away. I then glanced at the small basket that was next to her. One piece of jewelry caught my attention; a woven bracelet, handmade of dark tones. Brown, was the main color as it braided with small stones of fine colors that contained a midnight blue, red as dark as blood. The sight of the color made my own blood chill. I didn't pay much attention to the few red stones. Shifting my eyes to my personal favorite, yellow. I reached into the basket and rubbed my fingertips over the material, it was rope. But in the mid-center was a token that was silver, and even had a symbol carved into it. A clock and a judgement scale.

"Did you make this?" The little girl nodded as she looked up at me, "My mom helped me, do you like it?".

"It's beautiful" She quirked her head as her hand reached into the basket and took it out. "What's the sign for beautiful?".

In school there's a volunteer class to learn sign language. Since very few of the minor's here are either deaf or mute. Many have learned it for communication with those who remained silent or unaware of the sounds around them. I joined it last year and I _finally_ can manage to form complete sentences now. I'm not in expert in it honestly.

"Alright, like this" I demonstrate as I made a gesture with my hand into a light fist as my finger's spread across my face, _"Beautiful"._ The little girl repeated the sign a few times before her mother finally came out with the paintbrush.

"Sorry for the wait Miriam, I see that you met my daughter. She is usually quite shy" The woman added with a faint smile, "Mom, can I give this to Miriam?" Her daughter held up the bracelet, the woman lifted an eyebrow at her daughter, but nodded, "Of course".

"Wait-you're giving me this for free?" I questioned. It didn't seem quite fair that I'll be gifted this for free and that everyone else needed to pay for such a fine piece of work.

"Miriam it's fine, we always give something in return for when someone always does something for us. With you, I believe you do deserve it for trading materials and such for my work".

"Thank...thank you" I gap at the sudden kindness. I even tried to hide my surprise when her daughter automatically tied the bracelet on my inked wrist. A thought occurred to me when the woman handed the old paint brush to me, "Are you sure? I can always repay you back, I mean you spent so much time on this an-".

"It's fine, you're such a modest girl. No need to ever repay me".

My awe of surprise quickly was replaced with happiness as I thanked the woman and her daughter once again. I walked out of the stand to the apartment my family lived in. During the seven years when the Colony was first made. The unfinished mall is now used for homes and the merchandise market.

The sun had finally set as the inside of the Colony finally darkened and people retreated to their homes quickly. I stifled a groan as I stretched out my limbs awhile walking inside. I'm glad that I have the weekend off to finally spend some time to myself. I needed it after such a stressful week of going on supply runs and even school. Doing all of this keeps my mind off of the things that happened years ago.

"Hey kiddo, how you doing?" My dad said as he ruffled my hair and I responded with playfully swatting his hand away, "Fine, just tired".

"Miriam? Tired? Well that's surprising" Hope commented as she then eyed my wrist. Always having a smile plastered on her face. A smile that was actually broken deep down. Much like Julia she had never expressed the bleak and grim part of her to a world that was hell. I looked up to them both for that. Candles that have never burned out from such darkness "Oh, fancy where did you get that?".

"You know the woman I always trade with? She and her daughter gave it to me".

"Well that's thoughtful of them it looks beautiful. Anyways get cleaned up, dinner will be done in a few." The blood in my veins froze once again as I walked by my father's office. Strange, he never leaves it open. Due to my curiosity I begin to take light steps towards the door, but I stop. I sighed aggravated as I closed the entrance to his office.

I can't invade his privacy. My feet guides me down the hall as I open my own room. Simple, just a skinny mattress that is near the window. Decorated with a shelf and desk that is lined up against the wall. My closet was across from my bed. Lined up with multiple family photo's that I taped upon the wood.

My mom, she is in the center of all the photo's. I look like her, dark hair that is the tone of black wood, skin that was pale from lack of sunlight, same everything. In all truth the only difference is our eye tones. My mother's being such a warm brown. Awhile mine was a bitter grayish blue, faint with brown surrounding my pupils. I miss her so much...

So many what-ifs crossed my mind. Trying to remember her. For what she's like. I was too young when she died. Sometimes I... it felt as if she never existed. She always hit that certain spot in my heart that made me remember her. I bit down on my lip hard as I glanced away from the photo and turned to another.

One that I found in Hope's stuff that I thought was quite adorable. A chimpanzee wearing a red sweater? Why the hell is it a sweater that was red. Clearly he was apart of Hope's life. She only told me a little about him. His name was Caesar, and that something happened when Hope was around my age. I didn't question Hope any further that day. In the photo of Caesar and Hope stood Hope's twin brother, Taylor.

During the first few years of the Outbreak her brother left. So she figured that he was infected and didn't want her to see him die, or maybe he just... simply left.

I reach for one of the candles on my shelf and lit them. Mainly to give my room some light as I cupped my hands in a bowl of water and washed my face. In the process I changed my clothes as well and tied my hair in a loose braid. Just wanted to eat and get some sleep.

Spices filled my nostrils as I make my way towards the living room. I drowned the urge to not eat and go to sleep instead. Eating was important right now in these desperate times. In summary never let your only meal go to waste. A slight thunder rang from outside as I listened deeply to the quiet raindrops that began to tap the windows.

"I'm back!" The front door opened to Tanner soaked and wet as he shrugged off his jacket and went up to Hope. Both of them gladly pressed their lips together as Hope placed her hands on his chest and was held close by Tanner. I admit that they're a very cute couple. Ever since they got married Hope and Tanner have been trying so hard to have a baby. Maybe soon they'll be blessed. I would love to have a little niece or nephew running around.

Hope placed a chipped mug and bowl of soup in front of me as I thanked her. The soup had spices and bits of rabbit's meat, maybe a few carrots here and there. I finished my meal right away as my stomach ached for food. In the Colony people are always hungry. Which is the main reason why I even go on supply runs everyday after school. I took a long sip from my chipped mug as I examined the outside.

"What are your plans for tomorrow Miri?" My father's voice breaks me out of my thoughts and I quickly reply "Just going to hang around here. Why is there something going on?".

"Nope. Hope, Tanner, and I are heading to a council meeting tomorrow and wanted to know if you... might want some company?".

"I'm fine dad, really, I just need to relax and try to get rid of the stress from this week".

"I bet. Always stressful around this time of year with fall and winter coming".

I wanted to ask more about what they were going to discuss at the founder's council, but I silence my words before speaking about it. Too them I'm still a young kid. I'll be turning seventeen soon. Maybe this is the year where I'm lucky enough to finally sit in on council meetings. I hugged my family goodnight as I head down the hallway to my room.

Once I'm in my room I flop down on the mattress. Staring at nothing but the dark ceiling. I've always known this kind of life. Sleep, survive, and pray that you'll live for another day kind of deal. Ten goddamned years... shit... I'm still surprised that I survived for this long. Like I said before, I'm glad that my family and I are still together.

My finger's unknowingly tug on the woven bracelet that was given to me. The generosity that was shown to me was... it was... it didn't seem real. I wasn't shown that kind of generosity before my brother, father, and I finally made it to California. One time we were shown true hope and kindness with Tom's group in New York.

I regret it. I regret leaving Jess' home, the worst mistake I ever made. Followed by the first mistake that caused me to leave. I find it odd that my father and brother wanted to leave. Never protested of why I wanted to stay away from our safe haven that has kept us safe.

It all started with an old friend.

She was Carrie. I was unable to protect her and... god... so much blood. I couldn't bear thinking about it as I close my eyes forcefully. Finally drifting off into a dreamless sleep that isn't plagued by overwhelming nightmares.

I exhale a shaky breath as I try to stop thinking about Carrie. I won't ever stop thinking about her. She helped my family when we needed it and introduced us to Tom's home back east.

Carrie made our life better in the few years we stayed. The house is so silent that all I could hear is the rain. It actually does help me to sleep.


	3. Story of a Gun

**July 2019, Millerton, New York.** _**  
** _

_**C** arrie's hands continued to rummage through the drawers in the bathroom. Her palms covered in blood as specks of crimson surrounded Carrie's nostrils. In other words she's infected._

_Three years Carrie avoided becoming part of the infected and now.. this was too much to handle. She'll be dead in possibly a few days since her weight has already dropped harmfully, the stomach pain has gotten worse and now she's stuck with the constant bleeding. The community in her home is going to noticed eventually and they won't hesitate one second to pull the trigger on her._

_Carrie found what she needed and began to frantically scrub off her blood soaked hands with paper towels that were left in the abandoned house. A loud pounding on the door startled the woman as she snapped her head towards the sound._

_"Carrie? We gotta wrap up this supply run and head back."_

_It was just Tanner. Carrie pressed her eyes shut tightly at the thought of leaving both Tanner and his little sister, Miriam behind.. especially George._

_"Y... Yeah-I'll be out in a minute." In response she heard his faint footsteps disappear behind the closed door. Carrie pressed the back of her head against the wall and slid down to sit on the stained tile. Thinking of what to do next when they head back to Millerton._

_Leaving all of a sudden would cause everyone in a panic, but what other choice is there? Carrie wants to find a quiet place to rest and let the life slip away from her and not become the victim of a gunshot. Feeling the tears burn in her eyes she let them flow down her dirt stained cheeks._

_The woman's soil brown gaze shifted back to the door and bit down on her lip hard enough to draw blood. They can't know, no one can know of what's wrong with her. Just a quiet place outside of the town will be nice. A bed of soft grass or flowers is the comfort Carrie will want even though she'll crave to be wrapped in George's arms and let herself slip away in a endless sleep._

_Her heart is pounding to where she could feel the beats. It was fear. Carrie finally stood up and briefly paused at the door, but finally twisted the knob. Turning to the side and saw Tanner at the end of the hall as he shoved away the canned food they found earlier along with very little medical supplies. She swallowed hard when Tanner glanced at her and in response the woman nodded. Saying that it was time to go._

_In the far east from Millerton a father and daughter stand at the edge of a lake. Just across was a small herd of elk that managed their way through the harsh mountain terrain in the frontier._

_"Alright now just support the rifle like this 'cuz it's gonna give one hell of a kick."_

_The young girl responded with a stern nod as she supported the weapon in the crook of her shoulder. Most girl's her age might have been going to the movies or ecstatic about going anything. No. Instead here she is, learning how to shoot a rifle that can kill someone instantly._

_But hey... survival of the fittest._

_"Wait-daddy I would never have to shoot anyone... right?"_

_George looked down at his daughter. Only been three years since the start of the Outbreak and already both Miriam and Tanner have gone through so much. First losing their mother, now this. Learning how to defend themselves in a world that is a wasteland. At the same time this world is still crawling with survivors that tend to turn on each other. The apes were the least of their worries and the Simian Flu.  
_

_"No-no of course not baby girl" he acknowledged. Lowering himself to Miriam's height and placing his hands on her shoulders, "You won't ever need to kill anyone... because we're safe here. So the weapon that's in your hands right now is to hunt down any game."_

_Miriam believed her father's words to be true as she shifted her gaze back to the young doe in the herd that grazed upon the frontier's scenery. Ever since dawn Miriam and her father have been practicing to hunt in Tom's frontier. A man who immediately took in the family of three due to the persuasion of another survivor._

_Carrie._

_Practically took a year to make it back to the eastern part of the United States from the west in the Salt Lake Valley of Utah. Every minute was worth making the journey to Miriam. Now ten years-old and learning how to use a gun she.. did believe that the weapon would only be used for game. Another side of the young girl told her to use it against any threat either way. Maybe on other survivors or.. apes._

_The hunt didn't go as planned due to Miriam missing the same doe a few times much to her disappointment. She honestly couldn't focus on anything else other than Carrie. Only knowing Carrie for a year and thinking of the woman as a mother she knew something was up. The faint blood stains that Miriam would spot on the floor every time the older woman rushed out suddenly coughing. The decreased weight and constant stomach pains that Carrie clearly had as well. Miriam has seen it all before. Carrie's part of the infected._

_Miriam herself was quite surprised that she hasn't blurted out anything to the community of Millerton. Even to George and Tanner. Truthfully the little girl couldn't bear to lose someone close to her again due to the virus. She knew from experience of what happens to those whose infected from the Simian Flu. It's what took her mother away in the first wave of 2016._

_A faint voice brought Miriam brought to reality as she suddenly looked at George with a questioning gaze. Responded by him chuckling at her, "Didn't you hear a word I said kiddo?"_

_She sheepishly smiled in return. "Sorry daddy just.. just thinking that's all."_

_"Well what I was trying to tell you was that would you like to go on a supply run with Carrie later? Jess told me she got stuck with a night shift and that Carrie could use the company."_

_Should she?_

_Miriam was never hesitant before of going anywhere with Carrie. The words were stuck in her throat. No, this was silly, maybe Carrie wasn't infected at all and maybe had some other sickness.. maybe. That's what Miriam tried to tell herself._

_"Sure."_

_George arched an eyebrow at Miriam's sudden demeanor. Just a simple 'sure'. He shook his head briefly. Maybe the poor kid was tired and needed to rest before going on the supply run with Carrie. The older man helped Miriam hitch up on the nearby horse that was tied to one of the tree's. Kicking the animal into a slight action to gallop towards Millerton._

_Miriam's father did think right. She was indeed tired from most of the day of crafting snares for smaller animals, horse riding lessons and then hunting lessons. Maybe a few hours sleep would do her good before going anywhere with Carrie. Perhaps then Miriam could possibly question Carrie of her current.. condition?_

_Instead she couldn't sleep. Not with that thought in her head._

_To keep herself busy Miriam traced her fingertips over the carved letters gently of her gun. 'GT'. Maybe another survivor just like her who misplaced their gun and forgot about it.  
_

_Time passed by quickly for Miriam. The sun was beginning to set and her brother along with Carrie weren't back yet. Right on queue they did finally show up. Carrie was automatically greeted by George and Tanner headed inside with the two backpacks him and Carrie filled up from the supply run._

_The young girl replaced her gloomy state and forced on a smile._

_Maybe things will be alright._

_But things weren't, things that Miriam won't be expecting in the short few hours that she'll have with Carrie. The woman's final hours at that._

_She turned her head slightly at the sight of Carrie. How in hell could they not notice her current state? Perhaps they do and they're just waiting to put her down like a damned animal._

_"Ready to go Miri?" Carrie says as she motions for Miriam. The young girl shifts from the old mattress and clutches the woman's hand._

_To know of the many possibilities that might happen to Carrie. Miriam already feels alone again. Motherless. All because of the Outbreak that was caused by apes. Why did things have to end up so devastating and.._

_Hopeless._

_What Miriam didn't know was that Carrie's death might be the parallel to her own downfall. Just have to remain as a little soldier who is battling against this black death that took away the lives of many. Even if her own blood may spill, but it will be Carrie's first._

**(A/N: Special thanks to Wolveria who helped me with where this chapter should be set in! Along with a video she sent me called 'Story of a Gun' from the MotherBoard on Youtube ;) Also sorry guys for it being short, but the reason for it being short is because it's a two part flashback of Carrie's death. I would also like to thank BeetZel for helping me with the antagonist for Anarchy as well. Then of course the fellow readers and reviewers who have been reading for quite awhile. Heck I'm surprised that I had the motivation to finish up this chapter haha. Stay tuned for Chapter 3! Though on another note it will be quite awhile before we get to the apes. So stay tuned for our lovable apes as well!)**


	4. My First Victims

_"_ **_N_ ** _o... No you all are fucking insane"._

_"George please take this into consideration" Tom began. "It's.. for the best."_

_The older man sneered at his friend. Feeling a sense of rage boiling up, "What's for the best? Putting down Carrie like a damn animal? That's sick."_

_"No we are going to put Carrie into quarantine-"_

_"Hey! Tom that ain't what you promised. And hell George I'm surprised that you let Miriam with her."_

_That snapped a nerve in George._

_"Excuse me? Are you seriously questioning me of how I raise my daughter Rainey." It wasn't a question. It was pure anger now._

_"Rainey I thought you didn't like bloodshed. Remember?" Tom asked. Regarding Rainey's words from weeks ago. He shifted his head back to George, "It's your call George.."_

_George swallowed hard, his gaze turned dark, "I'm glad your considering my choice and all but Tom.. " He pinched the bridge of his nose and pressed his eyes shut before continuing ."It makes me disappointed that half of the council is on the path to shoot Carrie, end her life quickly. Then there's the other half.. " The older man nodded towards Tom, Jess, and Maria. "who are willing to put Carrie in quarantine"._

_His expression became grave as he slowly walked across the room, "Overall it will make her feel trapped. No, no I'm not going to choose any of your choices. What has you all thinking to decide Carrie's fate anyway? She's done much for this community. Made sure the younger generation felt well, helped wives through childbirth, hell she's even helped people with practically anything. It's sick.. to know that you either want to put her down since she's infected or put her in quarantine.. this is bullshit"._

_As of that George slammed the door on his way out. Not sneaking one final glance to the council of his community. He had to get his family out of here._

_"Tanner!" He caught up with his eldest who was currently tending to the horses, "Miriam? Carrie? Where they hell are they?"._

_His son responded with a startled look, "They're on a supply ru-"_

_"Dammit I know that Tanner! Which town". George said panicked, gripping his son's shoulder's not to tight._

_"Downtown district, Carrie was told to go somewhat beyond that." Even to the teenager he thought it was quite strange that Carrie was sent so far from Millerton. Especially since the day was almost over. She's never been assigned on a night run._

_"Christ.." George's eyes became horrified as he tugged Tanner away, "Listen to me real carefully, take whatever is important from our house and pack it into the truck. Small things, food, and clothes, water canteens. Manage to get stuff from the armory. Right now."_

_"Wait-why?"_

_"Do as I say. Drive to the downtown district. I'll be there with Miriam and Carrie." Before Tanner had the chance to reply George already hitched on a nearby horse and rode off._

_Amongst other things Carrie and Miriam were unaware of what was to occur. The young girl wrapped her arms tightly around Carrie as they rode towards the downtown district. Something seemed off.._

_"Why would Jess send you down here?"_

_"She didn't.. hell she would never let us go this far." The woman furrowed her eyebrows. "But when I got back to Millerton Tom told me to travel here. Saying there would be more supplies"._

_Miriam shifted her blue eyes around the district. It gave her an uneasy feeling. She heaved a long sigh as she twisted her head to one of the buildings. Maybe this was a good time to talk._

_"Carrie.. are you.. uh-um.." The young girl tried to get out more words. But her throat tightened from fear._

_"Miri?" Carrie pulled on the reins of her horse and slid off. Lifting an eyebrow at Miriam who had her gaze glued to the street. "What's wrong sweetie? You can tell me anything." She gave a warm smile towards Miriam. Tucking a piece of Miriam's hair behind her ear as a lock veiled the young girls face._

_"I.. " Miriam bit her lip and shivered. She didn't know if it was from the sudden cold, or the fear she felt. The young girl studied Carrie's face. She was beautiful. Even if she may look worn down and sick. Her grey eyes were tired, barely any life. Carrie was still beautiful overall._

_"Would you ever keep a secret from me?"_

_Carrie was taken back from the sudden question. Her jaw clenched nervously before replying, "It.. depends Miriam. Sometimes people may keep a secret to protect you or they're afraid to even admit to anything". This caused a piercing stab of guilt into Carrie. She regrets not telling anyone of being infected._

_"What if, someone already knows that secret, but they're too afraid to confront that person about it?"_

_'Where's Miriam going with this? Does she know?' A million thoughts rushed through Carrie's head. She couldn't dismiss this topic so easily. Especially with someone like Miriam._

_"That's.. somewhat different I suppose. People do need to know the truth sometimes, even if it may get them killed." Carrie was referring to herself. If anyone did know back in Millerton a bullet would be put through her head._

_"I know, but Carrie it's fine. You can trust me." The young girl gave Carrie a bright smile that made her heart melt. Damn it why did she have to get infected? She'll be dead in a matter of a few days now, and miss out on the rest of Miriam's life._

_Carrie trusts Miriam and Miriam trusts her. That's how things have worked between them. Miriam was like the daughter that Carrie never had the chance to have._

_"Of course I trust you Miriam, family is all" Carrie said, reciting Jess' words as she placed her hand on Miriam's cheek lovingly. Much like the daughter she never got the chance to have.. but in her case.. to never see that child live._

_"Family is all," Miriam repeated, but her words wavered as a few shadowed figures caught her eyes. Making her throat dry and suddenly become tense._

_"Miriam wha-" A string of gunshots ran out as Carrie rushed to grab Miriam. Her horse earning the wounds and falling to the ground with a whine. The bullet holes oozed with blood before Carrie had the chance to blink. Need to get somewhere safe, need to get somewhere safe._

_Carrie's chest tightened as she saw the few figures rush back inside of a building. Not apes, but human. A faint symbol made Carrie stop in her tracks. An Alpha-Omega symbol painted on the bricked wall. She heard a whimper that made her snap out of gaze and focused back to Miriam. The young girl was petrified._

_Taking cover behind a fallen piece of debris, Carrie loaded her rifle. Coughing in the process as blood specks covered her gloved hand. Unaware of the fresh blood that now was slowly dripping from her nose. Miriam stared at Carrie in horror. She was right but that didn't matter now._

_"Who the are they Carrie?" She couldn't help but ask. Carrie was stiff in her movements as she tightly clutched Miriam's hand._

_"They're.. they're bad people Miriam. Try to kill people like me, but are willing to kill those who are not infected too." Her voice trailed off at the faint figures who were across the street. Guns in hand and ready to shoot if necessary. She wondered briefly if they knew of Millerton. Hell this group traveled a long way from California. But then again the Alpha-Omega group did have many followers from all around the country shortly after the Outbreak. One of the leaders brutally killed the scientist who created the virus. Will Rodman, but it's unknown if his family survived. Most likely all dead._

_"One.. two.. three." Carrie counted those who were in the same distance from her and Miriam. Three, three people. Okay she could do this. Only three people to kill and run off right away. The hell with getting supplies. Miriam's life mattered more at the moment._

_"Miriam, listen to me, I want you to hide inside of here." Carrie ordered quietly, cautious enough to open the door of an old auto garage, "Do not come out unless it's me. I'll knock three times, you understand?".\_

_The young girl gave a subtle nod as she was ushered inside. To her relief Carrie heard the faint lock on the door and faced back to the group who opened fire first. She mentally cursed at herself for only having a few bullets left. She will have to approach one of them.. or perhaps lure them away from here._

_Carrie sighed to herself. This was going to be insane._

_Finally stepping out from her safe haven, Carrie raised her rifle upward and shot a few times to the heavily clouded sky. So dark and unwelcoming. The slight patter of rain began to pour down upon Carrie's form. The blood from her nose continued to dribble down to her lips. She was greeted with the surprised men who shielded themselves to take cover._

_"Come and get me you son of a bitches..."_

_She's killed people before, and even apes. Both were the same in her eyes. Caused destruction and madness. Crippling this world even more. Carrie won't die without putting up a fight. Miriam is the one who needs to survive, not her. The young girl still had her entire life ahead. Even if the world was now harsh and bitter. Barely any life left and Miriam deserved to live of what's upon it._

_Carrie ran. Hearing the distant shouts of the three men who chased after her. She coughed up more blood and felt herself already getting weaker. Whatever plan she had was damned now. That was until Carrie crouched low behind a fallen sign. Hopefully this will split up some of the men so that she could hunt them down one by one._

_The woman pressed her hand to her mouth to block out any coughs she had. The rain that was already pouring down helped somewhat as she was now drenched from head to toe. Carrie's hair clung to her face, becoming stained with blood that imprinted her nose and lips. Her breath hitched at the sight of the men._

_"Is this really necessary? She had a kid with her guys."One of the men said, at least he had some sense._

_"A kid whose most likely infected as well."_

_Carrie took a long, shuddering breath as they continued talking. Praying that they will separate and she'll have the upper hand to kill them. To her dismay they didn't. Just stood there talking.._

_A risk is going to have to be taken. Carrie crawled on her stomach and supported herself with her shoulders in the crook of the fallen sign that was luckily leaned against the brick wall. Mud coated the front view of her body now. The woman raised her gun, placing her finger on the trigger. A wise choice had to be made. She faced the tallest man who clutched his own weapon. Her plan might work if she chose to shoot him first._

_Carrie pulled the trigger._

_One._

_The rain filled silence was shattered away from the gunshot of the rifle. The man fell limp to the ground right away. Carrie shot him in the head._

_Blood splattered around the man's head, but quickly rinsed away as the rain continued to pour from the darkened sky._

_The woman forced herself to get away and run off. Her legs screamed at her to stop as more gunshots fired behind her. Carrie's knees buckled as she hit the ground. In her condition the world felt as if it was spinning. All she felt was the metallic taste of blood that stained her lips. Have to keep moving, stay alive._

_Carrie hoped that she could make it out of this. Her legs wobbled as she hid behind the wall. She slid her back down slowly and sat on the ground. Hearing a few footsteps made her trigger happy._

_Two._

_The second man was dead. Shot him clear through his abdomen from the position she was in. His wound oozed thickly, soaking his jacket before slamming hard to the ground. Reminding Carrie of an ape she recently killed a few months ago that died the same way._

_Where was the third man?_

_That sudden revelation got Carrie up and moving. Trying to keep aware of her surroundings and focus on getting back to Miriam. This felt like a hopeless battle honestly. Carrie couldn't even print her mind on the task ahead as she would continue to cough endlessly. For what seemed like forever Carrie didn't find him. For her sake he might as well ran off. She laughed, coated with hysteria._

_"I killed your buddies! Don't even try to fucking come out!"_

_She roughly rubbed her sleeve over her nose. Seeing fresh blood but didn't pay attention to it as her hand faintly knocked on the garage door. Three times.. it was supposed to mean she killed the three men. Took care of the problem. But no.. two out of three._

_To her relief Miriam unlocked the door right away. Tears flowing down her cheeks and was shaking to death. She was okay._

_Carrie fell to her knees as she embraced Miriam. Shushing her quietly and stroking her dark hair._

_"You were gone to.. too long" Miriam whimpered. Carrie laughed slightly, "Was I? I wasn't paying attention." Somehow that earned a smile from Miriam as she embraced the woman tighter, "Are they gone?"_

_"Two dead, but the third.." Carrie paused. He was still out there "I think he ran off. So don't worry Miri." She reassured, cupping Miriam's face. One last moment.._

_That's when she hears another gunshot. Miriam's eyes struck with fear as Carrie's body fell limp in her arms. The young girl struggled as she reached for the door. Locking it right away as if it was the only closure she had to protect herself and Carrie._

_"Carrie! Carrie! Carrie!" Her screams were piercing and mixed with the wails she let out. Crimson soaking her small hands as she helped to get Carrie standing. The woman let out a pained cry and clutched her stomach. The sickening scent of blood filled Miriam's nostrils as Carrie slipped to the floor. The wound was messy, the bullet shattered into many pieces as Miriam could tell._

_She started hyperventilating._

_"I can help, I can help, I can help" Miriam repeated with her shuddering breaths. The tears in her blue eyes made everything blurry. Except for noticing the blood that marked Carrie's stomach. Miriam shrugged off her jacket and pressed it to the wound. Hard enough to apply enough pressure. Blood was everywhere.. so much blood._

_"C-Carrie you have to tell me what to do please!" Miriam screamed. Earning a weak shake of the head from the woman. Carrie's hand shook as she reached into the pocket of her jacket and pulled out a pistol. Everything was slowly drifting away. She was suffering._

_"No.." Miriam began, she kept her hand in a tight fist. But Carrie crept the weapon in her trembling hand._

_"I won't make it.. " This isn't what Carrie wanted. Either way she got shot. Now she would die from a gunshot instead of drifting away from town in a small and quiet area, "Please Miri.."_

_More tears broke from Miriam's eyes. Followed with endless sobs as she instead hugged Carrie tightly. She wanted to vomit, this was too much. Carrie was like a mother to her. All she felt was.. so much pain in her heart._

_It saddened Carrie greatly as she pressed her lips to Miriam's forehead. Her breathing was shallow and silent compared to Miriam's choking sobs and torrent of tears._

_"Miri.. hope to stay alive, and pray that you.. you will make it.. everyday." Carrie managed to speak out, but she gurgled on the blood that came from her mouth. Miriam didn't care, she held onto Carrie tighter. She listened to Carrie's words. A friend and a mother. She wanted revenge._

_An odd thing for a girl as young as Miriam to think. But she needed to do it, hunt down the man. Minutes passed and every minute was Carrie's death count to her final breath._

_"I'll soon be free.." Carrie quietly began, singing softly as she coughed on the blood. Hoping that this will distract Miriam._

_"From.. From this world.." Miriam responded, unknowingly aware that Carrie closed her fingers around the pistol. Slowly raising it to her forehead._

_"It will be my fate.. to move on."_

_"Walk along the lake to the slain."_

_"This.. this world is bleak."_

_"No longer a desire."_

_Carrie felt numb. Most likely the bullet hit a nerve, A gruesome death but she lived her life. Her finger's hovered slightly over Miriam's on the trigger. Giving the young girl one last smile before closing her eyes._

_"I love you Miriam and remember.. that humans, apes, and the virus.. don't let any of that be your obstacle." She whispered quietly, pressing her finger on Miriam's. Causing the young girl to become paralyzed with horror. The gunshot sounded off echoing the silent garage. The rain was silent against Miriam's ears._

_She began screaming._

* * *

**August 6th, 2026, San Francisco, California.**

I woke up to my own scream of fright. Studying the darkness of the room and my surroundings. I was coated with cool sweat as moisture trailed down my face. I was crying. Shit.. not again. I couldn't move, couldn't breathe. God why that dream? well.. nightmare.

It was morning by now as I noticed the faint light from outside, but heard the loud thunder of rain. I needed to get out of here. Just for awhile to clear my head.

Ever since that day I regret what I did afterwards. Preying on the last few people in the district. Including Carrie.. they were my first victims..

To kill.

I can still see their blood on my hands. Hopefully no more bloodshed will be made as long as I live. Ape or human.

If Tanner or my father knew the truth.. god knows what they would think.


	5. Multiple Wounds

**I** ended up breaking down in my father's arms. Trembling as I try to shove my way out of his grip. But it's the comfort I give into. I wanted to leave.

Incoherent sobs escape my lips, desperately trying to say I'm sorry. It would be highly foolish of me to say such a thing. How am I supposed to say that I killed Carrie one day?

A stupid little girl I was. Distracted by my own cries of heartbreak and the song Carrie taught me. Unknowingly aware that she slipped my finger onto the trigger and pressed it. Why? Why did she want to die so badly? I could of helped.

Again.. a stupid girl I used to be. She was suffering, maybe it was for the best?

Tears continue to slide down my cheeks like a torrent of a flood. I hated crying, but I suppose once in awhile it's good to let it all out. I feel like a young child once again. Savoring the safety from her father against the world. Extinguishing the fear that burns so highly in the back of her head.

"You okay kiddo?.." he finally asked. My father knew it was the nightmares, not once did he ever question of what I dream about. Never forced me to let the truth slip out. Instead, he blanketed me in comfort.

"I'm fine.."

My voice was barely above a whisper. Why am I still dreading over Carrie's death? It's been seven years. What would the old me think of how I turned out to be? I.. I'm fine. At least that's what I'm hoping to be, just fine.

"I need to go for a walk," I say to no one in particular. Silently slipping away from my father's arms and gently shove past Tanner and Hope who stood by the door frame. I shrugged on my jacket and my worn down sneakers. Silence unveils in the apartment as I leave.

Inside the building, merchandise markets were closed and to my guess some people were resided in their homes. My gaze shifted to the scenery around the mall, lush life all around. The torrent of rain fell in the inner center of the Colony. I don't bother to pull up the hoodie of my jacket. I let the droplets soak my hair. The rain makes my knee's buckle. All I see is what could be blood falling from the darkened sky. It makes me sick.

My feet guide me to the outside, for once I try to clear my mind from the parade of memories that were.. like reopening wounds. I finally take in the little things that the Colony had to offer, despite all the graffiti that was imprinted on the city buildings it was.. it was beautiful.

Letting everything go freely and plant itself over the buildings that others have built.. it shows how much nature can do without human influence. To my answer this was our punishment, the Simian Flu at that, to punish us of what we've done to this world. The irony is that we created the this punishment.

I press the bridge of my nose irritated. I'm thinking too deeply on things.

"Miriam?"

I don't need to be a genius to know that the voice was automatically Preacher's. Against every instinct, I look over my shoulder anyway and turn to see the man standing a short distance from me. His deep brown eyes are filled with warmth, trying to hold my gaze as well. I tear my eyes away.

"Something you need Preacher?"

He flinches at my tone; it was sharp and brutal, but I quickly gave him an apologizing smile.

"Nothing actually, but I was going to ask of why you're standing in the rain."

"Thinking" was all I could get out.

"Seems to me it's more than that.. you need company? We don't have to talk, just, you know, walk around."

I couldn't turn down an offer to someone like Preacher. He's honestly such a sweet guy, despite everything he's been through during the past ten years.

My urge wanting to be alone dwindled as I gave a slight nod to him. To be fair Preacher and I are barely around each other now, unless of course we're on supply runs. He must want to talk about something.. but I've always liked Preacher. Easy to talk to and he doesn't get in the way.

Still shaken up from the nightmare I had the walk was oddly too quiet. It causes me to sneak a look at Preacher, his hand nudges my hand, his touch surprisingly gentle.

"I want to make it up to you."

"For.. what?" I ask. A gray damp mist hangs around us; it feels like autumn already.

"For being so distant of course, ever since I began security I'm barely around," he said. Before walking ahead he added, "And consider it an early birthday present. Now come on!" I let out a ripple of laughter as Preacher grabbed my hand and led me down the street.

To test him, I began speaking, "Will it be something I like?".

"Maybe, maybe not. Just you wait" was all he said. Shifting those darkened brown eyes of his among the rain. My breath quickened at the trail we were taking. Why the hell was Preacher taking me down here?

"Is the surprise doing another supply run? If so Preacher I had other things I planned on doing today." Before I had the chance to say anything more, the sight of the police station goes past us. My curiosity only grew more.

"Be lucky that I have my shift tonight Miriam." That's right.. even on the weekends Preacher still has work to do. At least he wasn't busy right now as always. Farther down the street, we would both listen every now and then for anyone around. Attentively to someone who might notice us. Right away I knew where we were headed. Outside of the city, but for what? I do not know.

"Backpacks should be where I left them." Preacher announces. Causing me to lift my eyebrow in curiosity. From where I stood he reaches down and grabs the backpacks we usually use for supply runs.

"I have to ask Preacher, don't we need to use the tunnels in the police station to get to the outside?".

"Yes.. but we're actually going straight to the outside. No tunnels, we have a straight shot to where we'll be heading."

"Okay then, what you say goes," I muttered. I'm handed the worn down backpack and I begin to search through the contents of the pack. A certain item catches my attention right away. The glint of silver automatically has me glaring at Preacher.

"Why the hell do we need guns?". The tone of my voice is once again bitter. After the fucking nightmare I had last night I don't want to be anywhere near a gun at the moment.

"Just the essentials in case we run into anything" Preacher's eyes shift to meet mine. He reaches his hand out, "If you want I can carry both of the guns."

I shook my head. "No, it's fine," I said. We weren't going to be using the revolvers anyway. That's what I told myself at the least. To give myself a sort of comfort as I continued to shuffle through the other contents. Honestly, there have always been what-if's before going to the outside. What if we run into other survivors, what if we kill someone. At some point if there are any killings then I might not give a shit anymore. No mercy and sympathy, killing might come off as something natural and it already does. When we suffer... is it survival?

_Shut up Miriam just shut up. Quit thinking about the bad things._

The rest of the contents were a first aid kit, ammo, canteen of water, three packets of dried fruit, flashlight and the revolver. Honestly not much.

"Not enough essentials to spend a day outside of the Colony," I thought out loud. Earning a light laugh from the man beside me.

"Trust me. You will need enough room for when we get there."

To my surprise the corner of my lips lift into a smile as I repeat, "What you say goes."

"Oh come on Miri. I'm surprised that you're not overexcited about this."

"Let's see.. " I began to gather my thoughts. Letting Preacher just stand there with a dumbfounded expression upon his face. "Overall I'm worried. Does my father know? My brother? Hope? That I'm going outside the Colony to just.. hangout?".

"Not... Exactly," He says. Scratching the back of his head in a nervous manner.

"Hm.. What they don't know won't hurt them."

"Why don't you go outside of the Colony by yourself?".

In the middle of placing the items away in my pack I stop. Repeating the question one more time in my head.

"It's... complicated?"

Was it? I couldn't tell.

"What's so complicated about sneaking off every now and then?"

I can't help but bristle. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"That you stick to your family like glue. Barely away from them."

I furrowed my eyebrows. Before long I begin to slowly speak of the truth. Tell him part of what happened when I was a child. "Can you blame me.. I.. shit I hate being alone Preacher" after a moment of silence I continue. "When I was a kid, I went on a supply run with my father's girlfriend. We were in one hell of a situation when this group ambushed us. Carrie killed two of them. The third got away. By the time she finally came to me, I felt.. such relief. We were okay. It didn't last long when she was killed a few minutes later. I was alone, no one to protect me."

That's what stumped me about those who tend to stay away from thriving communities or small groups. Becoming loners, why would someone want a life like that during a time like this? In theory to stay away from those with the virus and avoid being killed, avoid infected apes, and to avoid sharing food. Personally I would go through famine to stay with someone who could protect me. Even if I could protect myself.

"I hate being by myself for long periods of time. One way or another.. I will end up being alone."

Silence once again settles between us. I left out a big chunk of the story. That's alright, he wouldn't need to know.

"Damn Miriam.. I really can't blame you for thinking that way. Before I came here to the Colony I was alone for a few months. The virus finally caught up with my dad. I didn't want to let him suffer so I.."

"So you killed him?" I finish for him. With such a day to look forward to this conversation automatically was a turn of events.

"Yeah.. it doesn't matter now. What matters is us getting to the outside". Coming from someone who is shy and the sweetest person ever. I can hear the hint of heartbreak in his voice. What happened to him still hurts.

"It doesn't matter," I whisper under my breath. Carrie's death and what happened is like a love/hate relationship if that makes any sense. Instead, I want to forget, but then deep in the back of my head I want to remember.

Preacher takes my hand and leads the way. Through the rain and decimated buildings that we both call home. The Silence is heavy enough to where it's just the rain that seems to be audible to our ears. When we escape through the back my heart plummets against my ribs rapidly. I'm excited yet nervous. The only time I'm allowed out of the Colony is when my brother and I do supply runs in our group.

A million thoughts raced through my head. A ripple of excitement swirls around more than the nervousness. The thoughts I have lure away the horrifying sight of the abandoned district in the Colony. Unoccupied but occupied with rabid animals. A few years back we had to stop using this area due to.. unpleasant deaths that weren't from natural causes. We turned to the police station that Dreyfus used to work at before the outbreak. Finding out there were bunker tunnels in case anything happened and luckily the tunnels lead to the neighborhoods that could be populous with supplies.

I worry though. With those who are going on supply runs the neighborhoods are low on what we need. It's awful, at some point we need to go farther out and beyond any neighborhoods, pharmacies, and the city limits. If only Dreyfus would allow it..

Time passed by rather long, too long. The rain still falls to the overgrown life that surrounds us. After a few attempts of trying to figure out of what Preacher has planned I'm already too exhausted to see what's ahead. My throat tightened when I looked at the what lingered upon my gaze. It was honestly worth it from the long walk, climbing over fallen debris and getting stuck in the mud most of the time with the rain blinding our eyes.

The Rodman House.

**(A/N: So sorry for the long wait! You know school and all comes first and I barely had time to write anything for this fanfic in the past two months. I want to thank BeetZel once again for helping me out with Miriam's and Preacher's relationship in Anarchy so thanks again! ;) Hopefully for Chapter 6 it won't be such a long wait, but the next chapter will be somewhat shorter. I do say that in a few chapters we will start seeing our favorite apes. Stay tuned! Also I noticed in previous chapters that they have some grammar issues *spelling, etc.* and I will be slightly changing the prologue tomorrow.)**


	6. Despair

_**A** first love is nothing. Nothing compared to how one might feel later on. Thorns and all, both who think of each other as a first love may be blinded. Of the comfort they both seek for salvation. Only comfort and infatuation blinded them. Not love. Though.. he remained to be my closest friend until my time ran short. Desire for comfort I believe.. is a dangerous thing. What we had barely lasted. I may have never said anything, but what we did that afternoon was a mistake. A mistake that was brought from my false happiness I thought I felt. Just to be brought to a place I longed to see. In a way it brought us closer, but even then we were still broken. Full of despair and hate._

-Unknown, 2033.

* * *

No words could express how I felt. Such a home that had an allure beyond its windows and walls. How had Preacher known I've wanted to come here? Upon from where we stood I saw the reflection on the window. Despite its discoloration in the glass, my face represented a mask of surprise. Deep down maybe that's how I felt.

Turning I was greeted with Preacher's warm smile that made my heart flutter. I took an uneven breath as my eyes shifted to the Victorian style house. Confusion settling my thoughts when I furrowed my eyebrows. "How-"

"It's obvious every time we pass by," He began. "You always stop here when we're heading to the tunnels and take a brief look at the house. So.. I figured you know..."

We stood in a moment of silence. Perhaps too long. To be fair I contemplated of what I was standing a few feet from. Darkened green leaves had covered most of the house. Though a window caught my attention, shaped as a star that held the discolored look to it. Overall it remained untouched from the plant life.

"You're too quiet..." I almost laughed at Preacher's remark. My silence turned from surprised and confused to pure happiness.

"I.. thank you" What was in front of me suddenly drained away the bleakness that clouded my mind. Preacher perhaps didn't know this.. but I was effected deeply from what his surprise. Probably didn't know how much this meant to me. Without a second thought I threw my arms around Preacher. Catching him off guard as I stood on my toes just to reach him. "Thank you," I repeated, barely above a whisper.

I went on, "I don't know of how I can ever repay you. This.. you truly are observant. With how I am, how I'm like. What may catch my interest. So thank you." Tears threatened to burn my eyes. I held it in.

_Don't let your heart fall so out of place. Especially when you are shown kindness._

Less than twenty-four hours I was shown kindness. The woman and her daughter upon the merchandise market. Followed by Preacher's surprise. I'm grateful. At the same time I.. I feel such a stab of guilt enter my mind. Clawing painfully at my thoughts and how I felt. Hope, that's what I need to hang on to. Why am I still hoping every day to stay alive? I'm fine. We're all fine. Nothing is ever going to happen here, no one will die, no one will ever starve. Even if our famine may harm us. Nothing will stay like this. I'm worried, yet I'm happy. I won't be afraid. Shit I need to stop being paranoid.

With sheer force I stare upon the Rodman household. Letting the happiness drown and blanket me in comfort. I focused on my breathing. Breath in.. and breath out. This was real.

When Preacher didn't respond right away, I said "Let's go in."

"You're breaking into their house?" I attempted to stifle my laughter from his question. Searching for the right words as I clearly heard the humor in his gentle voice. Back then.. Yes, this would be considered illegal. There are no more law enforcement, so it's okay.

"Says the person who decided to sneak me away from home." In response Preacher ran his fingers through his dark hair. Shaking his head as I looked directly at him, his brown eyes full of what was gaiety.

"Either way we're bad influences for each other." Mirth dripped from his tone. Causing myself to simply roll my eyes at Preacher. To be fair I'm glad that we weren't feeling as bleak as we were earlier. The discussion of his father and Carrie did.. change the atmosphere drastically. He had his own inner demons of guilt and I had my own. Unlike my father and brother whose hands remained clean from the slain. Preacher and I had shared that similarity. Taking the life from someone we loved in the past.

Thinking back on it with the countless discussions I had with Hope. I couldn't get the thought out of my head if she has ever killed anyone. If she ever had, I wouldn't understand of how she could keep herself together from time to time. It was as if she was free from worry. Never bothered from how the world is. Her tolerance is what I look up to from Hope. I even look up to the younger children in the Colony who aren't bothered as from the horrific brutality of our world. In their minds they think this is how the world is supposed to be. Bleak, cruel, and full of despair.

I nearly jumped out of my skin when I heard glass shatter. Out of worry I gasp, my eyes wide open, "Preacher what the hell!" I whisper harshly. "What if something heard you?"

Before he had the chance to climb through the window, I caught the corners of his lips form into a smirk. "We're fine Miri, I've been on patrol duty out here for the last few weeks and there hasn't been anything out of the ordinary. Well, if you count seeing a few stray dogs, every thing is normal."

"Dreyfus is allowing you to be out here? Even at night?" It's all I can reply with. There is a curfew every night for all of the civilians to be in their homes. Except for perhaps the few who are on security.

"He's becoming more lenient. Less controlling with who he sends out. Why do you think you we're able to be out much longer yesterday on the supply runs?"

"So that means we can go farther out from the city limits?" My words come out more surprised than I figured.

"Soon was all he said. I told him yesterday that sooner or later the supply teams need to go farther out from the city limits. Especially outside of the neighborhoods too."

Excitement fuels inside of me. Dreyfus is finally realizing that we can't stay here in San Francisco any longer. Not unless we had more supplies to last us for years. Even then I don't think a community of more than one hundred people are willing to go cross country to a new home. How Dreyfus may feel though.. it might influence the civilians in the Colony. It makes me wonder if he discussed the topic with the Founders Council.

Preacher waves his hand for me to climb through, "Ladies first." With an appreciative smile I grip his calloused hand and enter the house. My nostrils flare from the scent. It smelled of mold, and death. I gave a growl of irritation as the blinds of the window got in the way. At some point before the Outbreak this house might've been beautiful and glorified. The floorboards creaked from my footsteps. Bullet holes covered the walls of the chipped paint, following with darkened blood stains and the palm of a hand that was now faded. What the hell happened here?

Such a calm and simple house. This home has seen much better day in the past. Now neglected in every way possible. Nothing new, same as any other house in the neighborhood. Abandoned, old, and disheveled. What I finally noticed was a few pieces of paper, on a coffee table near a lightened orange couch that was accompanied with an audio recorder. Hesitantly I picked up the first paper in the pile. Faded and discolored, thank god most of it was written in pen. I must admit.. quite annoying that most of the writing was scribbled out with the splotches of ink.

**August 1st, 2016**

_Smoke. That's all I see from where I stand. It's nowhere near the city and has been going since yesterday. I pray to god it's not in the Muir Woods. A forest fire like that would kill all of them. At least he's probably smart enough to stay away from the firestorm. Shit, I need to stop thinking that things are going to be better. For him and for us._

_Today the group are having their doubts. The buses never came to our neighborhood. Everyone had bags ready to go, many were willing to leave their sickened family member behind, but no bus came._

_Martial law was enforced a week ago. Uncle Will is pissed right now. Though he has hope that something good is going to happen. Last night he made a promise to Taylor and I that he'll keep us safe._

_But from what?_

**August 2nd, 2016**

_The smoke is white. That means the fire is finally out. I felt a wave of relief to know that the fire is gone. I doubt that he's even alive. Thinking about him is the least of my problems right now. The power is gone._

_Electricity has fled from the city. Darkness and silence are going to be the main thing for the next few weeks. Which means we can't watch the news and that was our main source. To see of what's happening to the outside world. Nobody was to leave any city in California. Well, anywhere technically. With martial law being in place the borders were on lock down. I think we're truly alone in the city._

_Before the electricity went out I'd heard on TV that more bodies were all over the streets. People setting the bodies on fire and storming into quarantine zones that housed the infected. From what I gathered it was a terrorist group who thought of themselves as the new militia. Alpha-Omega is what they call themselves._

**September 18th, 2016**

_We're still staying in the neighborhood. The girl who lived next door from us is infected. Alice Hunsiker. She was the only one left to survive in her family. Her father was the first one to be infected. I don't mean to be bitchy about it, but he was an asshole._

_Food supplies are running low. If someone doesn't go into the city to search for food then, we'll be forced to starve._

**September 21st, 2016**

_Alice died. I decided to stay with her until she finally went to sleep. She never woke up._

_Yesterday morning a few went into the city. They should've been back by now._

**Date unknown - 1**

_I lost track of the dates. I'm sure it's still 2016 and all. No one came back after a week. Which meant uncle Will, Taylor, and I had to search through other houses to find canned food that would last. A few more people in our group left yesterday to go into the city. How fucking stupid they were. The Alpha-Omega group is still running around. No doubt they would die like the first few volunteers who volunteered to go into the city and search for food._

**Date unknown - 2**

_I hear someone outside. Or maybe it's just my imagination. I swear I'm becoming more paranoid these days._

**Date unknown - 3**

_He's dead._

_Uncle Will is dead._

_I should've listened to my instincts when I heard something outside every night. Awhile Taylor and I hid in the upstairs attic we heard gunshots. Uncle Will was screaming, and I couldn't handle it anymore. By the time I got out of the attic, he had been laying on the floor. Blood was pooled all around him. Shot in the head, the chest a few times, his shoulder. I just stood there. But then yesterday I finally broke down when Taylor and I dragged his body to the backyard. I threw up a few times as we buried him. I don't know what to do. And Taylor hasn't said a fucking thing about what we should do next. I can't wait anymore, I made my choice._

_I'm going into the city. Even with that damned militia group still around I'm going into the city. There's nothing left for us here in this fucking house._

**Date unknown - 4**

_Taylor left. At least that's what I figured. I had our supplies ready to go, and all I know was that he stormed off with his backpack in the middle of the night and left. All I did was stand there. He left me. First grandpa Charles, Caesar, aunt Caroline, uncle Will, and now Taylor? Maybe Taylor became infected and didn't want me to see him die. He should understand that I'm used to death by now. Or maybe he couldn't handle me anymore. That I was probably a burden._

_Screw him._

Eight entries. That's all she wrote was eight entries. I furrowed my eyebrows as I placed the few sheets of paper back on the coffee table. I could never imagine having a relationship like that with Tanner.

Despite the entries, despite how she felt, I could somewhat relate to Hope. Sick of everything that this world now offered. I couldn't quite believe that Hope was this way back then. She's always gentle, and happy. Hope must've really worked on her tolerance for the past ten years. I didn't know whether to explore more of the house or leave already. I stood alone in the living room. Preacher was near the hallway observing one of the books he found on the red chair near the couch. Leaving me to read the entries I found and gave me some space. Curious enough I then pressed play on the audio recorder.

_"My last day here. Heh, it feels weird honestly. I doubt that anyone is ever going to come into this house, read my entries, and then play what I recorded. It doesn't matter who finds the entries I recorded for only a few months. If I'm correct, it's probably been much longer. In the upstairs attic I replayed uncle Will's video recorder a few times. I had to stop replaying it since the video recorder is only at ten percent now. I'm only taking a few things with me. Clothes, food, water canteen, three of uncle Will's medical books, aunt Caroline's poetry journal, grandpa Charles' Julius Caesar book, and last but not least a photo of myself, Taylor, and Caesar."_

Hope paused for a few minutes. I swore I heard her voice begin to waver. She was going to cry.

_"I'll.. the only weapon I'm taking is uncle Will's shot gun. I taped his pistol under the coffee table, in case I don't know.. if something were to happen and I came back. I probably won't ever come back here. In this house there were good memories, but then there are bad memories. I should probably go before it gets dark. So.. thank you, for whoever read my entries and listened to my damned v-voice."_

Static was the last thing I heard. Preacher and I exchanged a glance; his was full of sympathy. I wasn't sure of how I displayed my sorrow for Hope. My throat tightened as I placed the audio recorder back on the coffee table. Then I unzipped my backpack and shoved the pile of papers, and audio recorder inside. I tried not to look under the coffee table. I wasn't going to take a weapon that Hope had only placed for herself.

"That was.. Interesting," I responded with a nod towards Preacher. Never commented back as we searched throughout the rest of the house. Same awful odor, same blood stains that trailed and soaked into the rugs, the paint on the walls faded. In one of the rooms, all I found was multiple charts taped onto the walls, papers scattered all over the floor, and a few desktops. It was an office. Will Rodman's office. To study through later I stuffed more papers into my backpack, more audio recorders, and one of his journals. Someday I'm going to have to repay Preacher. I'm still in disbelief that he was kind enough to bring me here.

We never went upstairs. That could be for a different day.

I don't know how long we've been here. The hours passed in a blur. During through those last few hours, I was grateful that Preacher had brought me here. Silence had still veiled us in the whole house. I didn't have the nerve to wonder when we'll be leaving. I looked out the window. The sun remained engulfed by the darkened cloud awhile the sky wept of tears as it fell upon the ground. I shuddered at the cool breeze that swept through the shattered window. We should leave now before the storm gets worse.

By the time we've finally got to the Colony, we were soaked. Our knees covered and plastered with mud that caked upon our shoes. I was tired, and my feet were sore by the time we got home. I didn't let myself go to the apartment my family and I lived in. Preacher offered to let me stay the rest of the day at his place since it was the closest. I gladly accepted.

"So.. did you have a good time Miri?" His gaze was soft and full of warmth. My skin chilled as I shrugged off my backpack, holding only the straps.

"Of course, I still can't believe you brought me there. Thank you again, at least let me repay you..." I said quietly, standing on my toes once again and pressed my lips to his cheek. Preacher had become tense as his face flushed. Such a shy and nervous guy. For a moment, I really studied him. He had the same struggles I had, he always kept to himself as I had, always thinking of others as I had. We were both selfless, yet.. broken. I loved his soft laugh, the way he would nervously look away and become flustered. I understood him and he understood me.

"You don't need to ever repay me Miriam."

Preacher's hands stroked my hips. Slow and luxurious. I placed the palms of my hands on his chest. Feeling his biceps flex slightly.

_What are you doing?_

We had begun to distract each other. A moment against everything we've endured upon the world that had damned us. His lips then hovered over my neck. Before he had the chance to do anything I clutched the back of his neck and connected my lips with his. Our kiss was rough and demanding, nothing gentle of it. As if it wasn't full of love.

_Miriam stop it._

A groan escaped my lips as he pressed himself closer to me. Before I knew it we were sharing each other's soul. I shut out all of the thoughts I conjured up earlier today. I wanted comfort, and he wanted comfort too.

_You both are making a mistake._

I awoke the next morning. Preacher's arms were tucked around me, loose and gentle. The sunlight never came through the window as rain was still present. We were both awake and trembling. No, no, no, we couldn't have. I merely mumbled I'm sorry, forcefully shoving myself into the clothing that was scattered near his bed and picked up my backpack. Retreating out of his apartment as tears blurred my eyes. A few moments before I hurried away I heard him call out my name.

What had we done? I felt sick to myself, this was my fault. _My fault, my fault, my fault._

I returned home. Greeted by my worried family, appearing to them as I had the previous morning. Aside from my reluctance to talk, I reassured them I fell asleep at a friends. Retreating to the safe haven of the personal space known as my room and closed the door. If I would have I might of locked it.

Guilt and Regret had tore through my mind. Slowly ripping my mind apart as a wolf shreds it's prey into ribbons. Out of all the people.. Hope was the first person I went to. After I told her what I done with Preacher, leaving out that we went to her old home, Hope said nothing. I was glad for that. Glad for the fact that she'll never mention it to Tanner or my father. I needed to repay Hope for keeping such a secret. She was the only one I could trust to remain silent about it.

Preacher and I have never spoken of that day. Both of us are still close it's just.. were we really desperate of such comfort that it led us to doing what we committed?

**(A/N: Happy early Valentine's Day!)**


	7. Sanctuary

_The disease ridden lands filled a labyrinth of death. Darkness following the young girl with each choice she made. A cloud of smoke blanketing the blood and gore from the slain, the sick, and the old. Such misfortunes leaked in tears like a whisper of silence. Took pity in someone so young._

_Blood warmed her hands as she plunged the knife into its neck. The death was swift, but all the creature did was gurgle on it's own blood before stumbling on top of the young girl. A clawing ache of fear shadowed her veins. There was blood everywhere. She loosened her grip on the knife as crimson sprayed on the dirt. Regret and rage was masked on the trembling girls face._

_For it was a youth, she murdered._

_No-this was self-defense, the damned fool hunted her down. Yet even with his recklessness he didn't need to die._

_A wraith she was to enter their territory. A wraith only followed by torment and despair._

* * *

**September 23rd, 2026, San Francisco, California.**

I had been tossing and turning for the last remaining hours of the day. A collision of red and pigments of black clouded my vision when I finally woke up. My stomach twisted violently before I heaved out the window. Eyes now watery and sweat coating every inch of my body. No screaming this time from the nightmares. I'm fine.

_You're not fine._

Bile stung my throat. I'm fine, I'm fine, _I'm fine._

The outside was dark compared to this morning. I felt small in my room. I stared at the window.. there was still light.

Before darkness could swallow up the room it was lit. Bright highlights of dusk coating the room seemed to make things feel safe. I was content, unaware of the constant heaving I had. The room was dyed with rays of darkened orange, accompanied with the color of blood poured in. Soon replaced of comforting golden yellow. In the blink of an eye, hate filled the room. How long I had sat there.. I didn't know.

As if I had been kissed with comfort it was all gone momentarily. The loneliness, the despair, the hurt. Gone. Such a nightmare that taunted me every night. I was somewhat glad I dreamed less of Carrie's death and that day when I killed for the first time. What a miserable excuse. The excuse of which I'm constantly met with nightmares. If other people can get over what happened in the past so can I. I'm beginning to move on.

The musical silence of children's laughter filled my ears from outside.

* * *

_The flowing autumn breeze upon the morning air made my blood chill. Today there is no rain, except for the lingering scent that filled my nostrils from a few nights ago. Even then I miss the clouds that would illuminate and shadow the sunlight. I must admit that I love the blossoming hues of the rising sun. Though coating the morning air in the mist turned fog. Soon to be faded away as the day continues._

_Sprawled on the floor, paintbrush in hand, I was practically in my element. Maybe this celebration is supposed to be a reminder of how life was like ten years ago. Sharing food together, dancing, creating elaborate decorations for many to be in awe of. It felt nice to have a day to forget about the darkness surrounding our world. Etched in something so merciless it was hard to believe there was still purity in the world. No one is a saint, and nothing is pure. With the celebration.. I must say it does have me forget for a short while of how the world truly is._

_Sunlight painted the room Ellie and I was in. The large decoration we worked on was to be nailed in the old City Hall. Where school is attended and most of the celebrations are hosted throughout the entire year. My paintbrush was flecked with the variety of colors I used. A cascade of mostly golds, oranges, yellows.. and red. A way to uphold and mark a new day-a new day of darkness and death. I find it strange that this is the holiday that everyone makes a fuss over every year. I love but hate it at the same time. Primarily of it's meaning._

_"Well, I'll be damned. This turned out great!" My father's voice hovered over me. A trickle of happiness bloomed inside and I placed a smile upon my lips. He was becoming much older as years go on. His voice rumbled and was soft toned, sounded bitter but at peace. When the Outbreak arrived his hair used to be such a soft black. Now chiseled with grey, and has grown a beard that was flecked with grey, soon to turn white. That's what age does to a man whose been stressed for ten years taking care of a son and daughter. He patted my shoulder and pressed a kiss to my forehead before ruffling my hair once again. As always I swatted my hand playfully at his hand. My father's dark eyes studied the large canvas that Ellie and I worked on._

_Intricate designs were everywhere. The symbols that masked the canvas were swirls, fallen leaves, and feathers. A way to welcome the hidden day of autumn. Even if this is a day of darkness and death I will think of the happiness and rebirth to be brought forth from the harshness. No death, no fear, no grief, and no regret.. I'm ready to finally move on from Carrie's death. If the nightmares allow it._

_With more of my personal touches I had painted vivid images of fox tails, thorns surrounding a young woman, and eyes. The eyes.. they don't make sense. Hazel eyes with warm tones of green flecked with gold. Then a second pair I added was wonder-filled sky blue eyes. A blue I hadn't seen anyone here possess. So for the hell of it I just felt like painting the eyes. My excuse._

_"I thought there was supposed to be work today?" I asked. Shifting my blue-grey eyes from Ellie to my father._

_"Dreyfus is letting everyone take a break from working for now. Mainly for the celebration and all to get ready." Ellie inquired, I beamed at the thought that for once everyone can enjoy the pleasures to not deal with anything._

_"That means security is off for the day as well?"_

_"Not.. exactly, they'll be doing hourly shifts today from what Dreyfus said." Of course, as if anything would bother to come here without getting their heads blown off. Unless there is something or someone out there. Hell the only other community I've known to be around was Millerton. Though it has been such a long time. Who knows how things have changed back in that little town._

_"I gotta get going! See ya soon kiddo!" With that he ruffled my hair again before I had the chance to react._

_"I think we're good yeah?" The woman in front of me said. Rubbing colored stained hands on her pants. Ellie is the main medic who works in the infirmary. Along with Hope and one other named Laura. She's married to Malcolm, one of the Founders Council members for the Colony._

_"I suppose, but thanks for helping me, Ellie. Julia would of gave me an earful if I never got finished with this." It was true. This celebration has been the one thing on Julia's mind for.. god knows how many months. Planned the music, planned the decorations, planned-well everything! I hope she gets many thank you's tonight. She truly deserves it after constant planning, stress.. crying, yelling at Alexander for how things should be placed, preserving pastries and special foods that everyone (including myself) are looking forward to. Everything. At the same time Julia still manages to plaster a smile on her face. A bit demanding, but is very organized and fun to be around. I met her last year shortly after I purchased a basket of her father's spices and herbs._

_A reasonable man her father is. Share her life filled darkened eyes and such a bold smile that could brightened anyone's day. Through Julia's father, he assigned me to clean the mess hall. A bargain to pay off the large quantity of spices and herbs that were way out of my ability to afford. I didn't have enough items to trade at the time. So him and I made a bargain that I'll work in the mess hall for an entire year. I wasn't going to be a damn fool and pass up the offer. Someday I'll repay him with clothes, food, or even medicine. A fair man he is._

_How I met Julia.. it's a long, worthwhile story to tell someday._

_"Oh my god! It looks perfect!" Sunlight danced on Julia's hair as I half turned to see her. Ecstatic and bright with cheerfulness as she looked over the canvas, "Thank god you both got it finished in time. I was worried to death that it wouldn't be ready!"_

_My fingers tug on the woven bracelet. A habit that I formed before Preacher and I.. had done what we did. Awkwardness became unbearable between us. Perhaps tonight it can be the way things were before he took us to the Rodman household. Main problem to work on; have fun tonight and pretend things are normal for a change._

* * *

The events of this morning were still present. Trembling I finally stood up. Ducking my head into the bowl of fresh water on the desk Hope had placed earlier. Letting the cool water absorb anything I recently felt. A knock on the door alarmed me that my presence wasn't alone.

"Miriam, you ready?" It was Tanner. I was nowhere near ready.

"Uh-almost! Can.. can you have Hope come in here? I have lady issues?" What the hell Miriam? I did need her help if I'm being honest. I felt sick, I felt tired and I had nothing to wear for this event at the moment. His fading footsteps indicated he was to retrieve Hope.

Not a moment too soon the door opened to reveal Hope. Her face written in concern and worry before her nose scrunched up. The smell of vomit did surround the room and I rather have Hope in here than my father and Tanner. One of the things I miss.. running water. A toilet would be much better than vomiting out the window.

"Are you okay?" Was all she asked. Placing a comforting hand on my shoulder. With timid hesitance I nodded.

"...Yeah, totally."

She knew I wasn't.

"Tanner said you needed help with something. From the looks of it, you look terrible and can barely stand on your own two feet. I have some tea that can help with the fatigue, and my advice is that you shouldn't stay at the celebration for too long. An hour you can stay and then come back here right away. I also have something you can wear that I had stored away."

My awe turned into appreciation for Hope's help. I didn't have the chance to say thank you as she retreated out of the room only to return with clothes and tea that she heated up. Her hands gently took my shoulders and sat me on the squeaky mattress. Brushing my sweat soaked hair before using her delicate fingers to rub a cream into my hair. I felt like a child all over again being comforted by someone close to her.

"What is this?" The smell of the cream overwhelmed my nostrils. Honeysuckle and vanilla. Waiting for her answer I took a sip of the tea, warm against my throat. Slightly sweet but faint; root and dried fruit.

"It's a substance I bought at the market. Julia's father sells it and let me tell you this can do wonders to your hair after using it a few times." I chuckled before I took a few more sips. Sighing when the heat soothed my throat. Now rid of the bile taste I encountered earlier.

Hope's fingers had woven my hair into a braid. Loose and comfortable and not too tight. In the candlelight Hope picked up a red tank-top. From the light, darkness had shone on the crimson color. Dark enough to resemble blood. My breathing became harsh as I imagined my hands drenched in such a color. Bringing back the nightmares and memories and collision of red.

I didn't protest when she handed the tank-top to my direction. Without saying anything I stripped out of my other shirt and slipped into the tank-top. It felt foreign to wear something so new and so clean.

"Thank you" I said dryly, "For helping me out with.. everything."

"It's never a problem helping you Miriam... But.. if there is anything, anything at all bothering you. Please tell me. Even your father and brother." My fists clenched by the time she walked out. Guilt stabbed and clawed everywhere. I'm never going to tell them that I killed Carrie.

I shook my head as a headache soon took over. Rubbing my temple, I reached over for the pair of jeans Hope set on the mattress and stumbled into those one leg at a time. They were new, never worn. It felt weird to wear something new. What I really needed was new shoes. The ones I owned were stained and tearing apart almost. I'll worry about that tomorrow.

Upon walking out of the apartment I wore a gray sweater over the shirt. Mainly from the bitter cold biting at the nerves of my skin and to avoid the shirt I wore. The back of my mind burned at the thought of what I wore bled onto my skin years ago.

Other than the cruel chill of the night, everyone was bustling in excitement. Their shadows being welcomed was shown from the moonlit sky and faint lanterns. My mood quickly shifted to fullness. I want to have a good time tonight with Preacher. Make things easy between us and maybe someday.. I could give it a try? to love him.

The cold whispered to my veins before I took in the large crowd of people. Such an amount of survivors who are still alive manage to surprise me every second I'm here. I take a breath before hearing the musical laughter of children once again. One of them was the little girl who sold me the bracelet. Followed by another who shared the same blond hair that danced from the lanterns aura. Same blue eyes that held such purity in a way. The older girl's name was Leah from what I heard around the market. Her little sister has no idea of what its like to live in a world with no disease and no trials to face.

I turned on my heel towards the unfolded tables spread along those who stayed on the sidelines from the dancing. The sounds of people laughing and smiling so big affected me to have a smile slowly form on my face.

The assortment of foods made my mouth water in a heartbeat. Bowls of beans, noodles drenched in sauce, vegetables coated in butter from the few goats we have, rabbit legs, and squirrel meat. To be fair, making sure the meat that some of the scavengers hunted is hell to keep fresh. Thankfully we had the salt that was stored away a few years ago. Shortly after I filled up my plate I went straight to the pastries. Made especially by Julia's mother who keeps the sweets stored away and only brings them out once a year. Tarts with canned fruit melted in the center; sprinkled with powdered sugar and had actual sprinkles shining in a variety of colors.

"Didn't take you to have a sweet tooth Miri."

I look up. The soft voice coming from the man who stood just a few feet, the table separating us. How long has it been since we had an actual conversation? Too long.

For what seemed like seconds, I finally spoke, "Hey."

"Hey."

Before long I shook my head before setting down my plate. Mainly to make sure it didn't fall from my trembling hands. "Preacher I-look about what happened and all, I mean, shit-uh... I've been distant from you. I'm sorry about that and again from a month ago I-"

"Miriam stop. If talking about it makes you feel this uncomfortable we don't have to talk about it. Okay?"

His tone was assertive and gentle. I blew out a sigh of relief that he didn't want to discuss it. But in the forefront of my mind I knew that someday we're going to talk about eventually.

Enough of that. All I want is for us tonight to be close again. Things to be easy and pretend everything is normal. Starting now.

"Do you want to hang out for the rest of the night?" Please say yes. He smiled with understanding and placed his calloused hand in mine. "Just as friends?"

"Just as friends" were his confirmation. Good. I barely saw Preacher for many weeks. Security was his primary job here and it made sense for him to be constantly busy all the time. I kept myself busy to try and keep my mind off things. More supply runs, staying up late cleaning the mess hall, face painting the younger children, and working on assignments for school. I didn't mind it one bit. We both had all the time in the world to be around each other since that day. Instead I thought of numerous excuses to distant myself and keep busy.

"Have you read those files and listened to the audio recorders you found?" Preacher asked, I realized how quiet it had been awhile we strolled around the celebration.

"Not yet, been busy for the past few weeks." A long pause had sheltered between us. The gentle strum of a guitar had gathered many to the center as some began to slow dance; couples especially. I shifted my eyes along the civilians who attended the celebration. Yet my family were nowhere to be seen at the moment. Sitting back on the steps a new song begun to play. Old and withered the tune was. Deep down I knew the awkwardness would never leave my friend and I.

"Do you want to dance?" Preacher stood and took my inked hand into his. Unable to form a word of any sort, I nodded slightly. Putting my hands on Preacher's shoulders, he then placed his hands on the crook of my back. The contact instantly flashed the memory when our bodies were closer than this. Instead, I just listened to the strumming of the guitar played by some anonymous musician.

"You should play" I could feel a laugh bubbling up at his statement. Shaking my head, I clutched Preacher's shoulders, "I only know one song Preacher and that song is only for my family's ears to hear."

"Alright, alright seems reasonable enough" Preacher craned his neck. Then his dark eyes shifted to meet mine. "You've always wanted to go to a Founders Council meeting.. right?"

"I.. yes?"

"Would you like to see one right now?"

"What-are you serious Preacher? I mean we're friends and all, but you better be serious about this." My voice held eagerness and hope.

"Dead serious Miriam."

"Then let's go and sneak off." We both exchanged the same smile as Preacher led me through the crowd. All around us many paid no mind and remained entranced by the festivities that were to be celebrated throughout the whole night.

**(A/N: This chapter was hell to write, but at the same time I enjoyed writing it! Next chapter Miriam is gonna start some mischievous shit with Preacher haha. I'll at least let my girl Miriam be happy and not suffering for once for a few chapters. Hope you guys enjoyed the new chapter!)**

 


	8. The Breadwinner

_What I didn't know.. was that I just signed my death wish that night. A martyr soon to be slaughtered for crimes she committed.. even then some say that the wolf will always die in the end. A Killer and prey I was for the last remaining years of my life. In the end my many years of survival was worth it and the life taken from the root of my soul was swift. I pledged an **oath**  to the cause, to the  **throne** , and the King raged on in his fruitful  **reign**. So.. perhaps I did make the right choice that night. They remained together and strong, their knowledge was powerful, yet they killed one another. Best to say it was the human in them that caused their mistakes._

_-Unknown, 2033_

* * *

"How did you know about the meeting?"

"Before I was relieved from security, Dreyfus and George were discussing something. Along the lines of  _No one can't know about this yet_."

We emerged out of the shadows. The darkness consuming us and the only sound was the autumn breeze and our footsteps against gravel. Concern and curiosity was swimming in my head. Truth be told I never expected to be this immensely interested over a meeting. A variety of theories erupted in my mind. One of the theories is probably food shortage; which equals more hungry civilians and more dying from starvation. However the scavenging groups would've been the first ones to find out. Meaning having our asses kicked in gear to search for more supplies earlier in the day instead of the afternoon.

"So, it has you assuming that they're having a meeting?" I mean, it made sense. My family never showed up to the celebration this evening and a few others apart of the Founders Council were missing; including Ellie.

"Just an educated guess." His smile was mischievous and I jabbed him in the ribs playfully with the same smirk. "Educated guess my ass Preacher. You did say after all that you were  _dead serious_  about this." Both of us were going to waste our time if there was no meeting at all.

Doesn't hurt to find out.

"That's  _bullshit_  Dreyfus."

It took every scrap of restraint to keep from tripping over debris. Both of us now ducked behind a car and listening for the echoing of Hope's voice. I never heard her so.. pissed off. Such a voice that was honeyed and thoughtful, now poisoned in venom.

A muscle twitched in Preacher's jaw. We were both tense to keep from moving an inch near our safe haven. Hell our footsteps must of been loud enough to indicate the others of our presence. Thankfully none shifted to the direction we remain hidden. I studied Preacher's face, only to see him on guard and alert.

"You said that they were going to be in the meeting center" I whispered harshly. He mentioned it on the way through the dark alleys and corners of the city.

"I never thought they would hold the meeting here, Miriam" he replied. His voice was barely above a whisper before I peered from my crouched position. The stained window of dirt and dried blood made it difficult to see who attended the meeting, but made mine and Preacher's appearance unseen and unknown. Few people I knew.. others I didn't; Dreyfus, Malcolm, Ellie, my father, Tanner, and Hope. The rest were some I've seen throughout the Colony, but never talked to. I worried that the pounding of my nervous heart would be enough for them to notice us.

"People are going to find out eventually. I have to say it's pretty fucked up to keep this from everyone."

My annoyance grew. Cupping my hands I huffed warm air into the root of my frozen fingers and sat beside the vehicle. This was going to be a long meeting if they were just going to play the guessing game.

"I bet three trinkets that it's going to be food shortage" I chimed, not really looking at Preacher and continued to watch the meeting.

The man next to me hummed in response and bit his lip, to my surprise, laughed quietly. "Eight trinkets, it will be medicine supplies running out  _or..._ " I let out a soft snort.

"Or? Preacher that's unfair."

His teeth gleamed when the corner of his lips turned upward. "Or, the generators aren't enough anymore along with the gasifiers. Safe to say Miri it's reasonable to believe that." Preacher's voice crooned before another smile tugged on his lips. "Want to make it a bargain or not?"

"It's a bargain." I said sweetly, tugging on my bracelet and remained silent.

"If I do that Hope panic will spread throughout the Colony. It's best to keep our mouths shut and quiet about the situation. Besides.. I don't want to get anyone's hopes up if this this dam could be our  _best_ chance or not."

"Look-I... I get where you're going with this, but I don't think that a lot of the civilians here are up to the task to go to a forest that has been deserted for years and burned down practically. I just don't think that we should pick only a few people to know about this and send them off. Not fair to the people who  _deserve_  to know."

Dreyfus' eyes widen at the assertiveness in Hope's tone. Despite their argument no one intervenes and the silence makes my skin crawl. Along with the revelation that soon dawns on me and the rush of adrenaline soon roars in the dullness from the crisp breeze.

The Colony _is_  running out of power.

I do my best to swallow down the revelation and keep my focus fixed on the group. No way.. it's impossible. The generators and gasifiers were to  _at least_  last another five or ten years. Then again that's what I heard from the technicians throughout the Colony. How wrong they were...

My father's voice finally breaks the stillness, reticent and powerful in his own right. "I have some people in mind that  _might_ be willing to head out with Malcolm and Ellie. Though.. this is going to take some planning, perhaps another month or so."

"Who exactly will want to come?" Hope tosses a glare at my father. "The minors? those who are going to risk their lives in that godforsaken forest?"

"What exactly would be in that forest Hope?"

A man that I never knew spoke up, throwing Hope off guard as she shelters back near the concrete wall. Yet rage still lingers in her eyes. I can't do much more than stare at her, "Just a handful; Foster, Kemp, Alexander, and.. Carver."

Dread automatically fills the group at the mention of Carver's name. Oddly enough I never liked the man myself when I first came here. Though one name caught my attention, Alexander. A foreboding wave of jealously is what I feel.  _Not fair. Not fair at all._   _Why does he get to go?_

"Alright, that settles it. Same time tomorrow. Meet back here and we'll start planning what to expect." Malcolm declares, earning a few goodnight's from those who joined in the meeting. All separating in different directions.

Something tears inside of me. Why? why why  _why?_ I would've been good for this assignment, by myself.  _Alone..._

That thought has my jealously slip way. I hate the fear of being alone for long periods of time. After what happened with Carrie...

_No stop._

_Thinking about Carrie is a waste of time._

_Thinking about those two men you killed is a waste of time._

_The past is a waste of time._

_Convince him.._

I take a few shaky breaths. I can't feel sorry for myself anymore of what happened, it's an excuse. A waste. I know why my father picked Alexander to go, his parents are going of course. So that's a choice too reasonable to deny. Though would it be crazy enough to go? To find this dam alone? A decision that any sixteen year-old would deny for sure out of fear. However, the idea alone lures me in.. I want to be out of this Colony, this damned city, out of San Francisco all together. The Muir Woods is my best chance. Call me a hypocrite about the fear of ending up alone.. but fuck it.

"Is this a bad time to say that you owe me eight trinkets now?" Preacher's voice is inaudible to my ears before I sprint up and become frozen in step from the touch of his hand. Like a fox being hunted by hungry wolves in the masked jewel of a unbearable forest.

Calloused and warm, his hands grip my arm gently. From the car window I could see the clear reflection of my face. I was the one who was hungry and craving to surround my kill, eager to see blood stain the maw of my jaws and ravenous claws. Though that peculiar image never appeared. Instead a young girl with hollow cheeks, black circles surrounding her washed out eyes and skin that seemed too pale even if originally a lightened gold, but unhealthy, yet the hunger in my eyes still blanketed my thoughts.

"What did you just decide Miriam?"

Slowly, I pull my arm away too forcefully. "I'm going to convince Dreyfus."

"Whoa, convince him of what?" I spin to find myself being grasped by my inked wrist. "What are you planning to do Miriam Grant?" I felt myself shiver in surprise as he asked through gritted teeth. Fear was evident.

"I.. I do hate being alone Preacher.. but.. don't you want the feeling to be out there?" Indicating I nod my head towards the direction of the golden gate bridge. "Away from the stuffiness of this city? I hate it here, I mean.. I do love that I have what I have in order to be alive and surrounded by family and very few friends but I hate this city. What if you had the chance to go out there by yourself? Maybe find others? I want that opportunity Preacher."

Preacher paled as he released my inked wrist. Anger and shock spreading from his face to his darkened eyes. "That is a suicide mission Miriam. To go out there by yourself? Didn't you hear a damn thing Hope said?"

"Of course I did! I'm not deaf Prea-"

"What are you trying to prove then?"

"That I can survive out there and not be the same little girl I was seven years ago! Not afraid to be alone, not be afraid of the choices I'll make, not afraid to kill! Three people I killed! One of them being someone my father loved and was like a mother to me.. I mostly want to prove to myself that I won't be afraid to make those mistakes again. That the paranoia won't haunt me for the rest of my life."

As if blowing out a candle, my energy quickly died down like a speck of dust. Dust that never mattered and is long forgotten. I can do this.

_You will die out there._

Everyone will die someday. I'm just going out there to prove myself wrong, to sin or not to sin, even if it butchers my mind entirely.

Few seconds calmed down as if the atmosphere had become sober enough. I could trust Preacher enough to know, and to remain silent about my whereabouts.

Instead I don't see the fear and anger marked on his face. He seemed adamant and sure of this, just as much as I do. I don't need an explanation from Preacher, his lips don't move. He doesn't argue at all for my sake, so I turn on my heel once again.

"Samuel."

The name stops me before I could head towards Dreyfus' direction, "What?"

"Figure you should before your suicide mission." A familiar smirk warms the back of my mind in relief. He's okay with this, the only person who knew of his real name was the last surviving members of his family that soon perished after the Outbreak. Are we that close for him to reveal such a silver lining of his past?

Everyone here go by their last names anyway to forget the identity given to them before the dawn of the Simian Flu Pandemic, so I supposed it was normal. Wouldn't mind if a few began calling me Grant once in awhile.

"How hard can it be to find a dam?" I have to smile for his sake before slipping out into the night. Though.. how hard is it to be striped from loneliness?

* * *

Smokey air fueled my nostrils when heading back to the center of the Colony. At least.. that's where Dreyfus might be. Knowing him for the past six years he could be very persuasive, but if it comes down to a bargain trying to convince him then so be it.. if I'm able to acquire the price he'll ask for; Food, medicine, trinkets to trade, anything.

The festivities still raged on as I walked through the labyrinth of the city. Roasting meat of the familiar rabbit or squirrel that will disappear by the end of the night. Consumed by the constant smell I caught the side glances of people who saw my form but quickly returned to the attention of squealing children. The others who didn't notice continued to bask in the celebration that glorified their lives once a year. How long would it last? I do not know.

Then something broke through my mindset, Dreyfus would tell my family, yet he's a man of his word. Hopefully he wouldn't say a thing along with Preacher.

Once I stepped inside of the discontinued mall it was utterly silent. The main Colony member shouldn't be too far now. I spent the last twenty minutes or so following the man to his apartment. Which is only a few blocks from where I live.

Moonlight glowed inside the building, very few candles in people's doorways still shone with comforting light of oranges and yellows, the wax soon to be melted in another hour or so when the festival is finally over as everyone will sleep in until the afternoon.

I played through what I might say to Dreyfus over and over again. How to direct him in a reasonable and get to the point manner. Ask questions later sort of deal. I chuckled at the surprise he might face when I volunteer myself to go to the Muir Woods. But with my reasoning I'll lie to him.

Approaching to the makeshift door I knocked thrice, tapping my foot impatiently as I catch the site of shadows moving due to the candles or lamps in the apartment. Finally with fast paced footsteps the door creaked open to Dreyfus; old with wired-like glasses and ashen blond hair that is soon to turn gray, face accompanied with very few wrinkles and coated with a faint beard. Him and my father may be the same age but Dreyfus sure as hell hasn't been through the burden and stress my kin has been through.

"Miriam! Aren't you supposed to be at the celebration?" He grumbled. What a lovely greeting...

"Yes and no, Hope said that I was to spend one hour there, felt a little sick before I went." I answer, turning my face to point where I lived. Then trying to see through Dreyfus as he stood in the doorway.

"Okay?" His eyebrows knitted together when I crossed my arms. "May I come in?" I quipped, placing on the mask to appear more friendly than stern.

Dreyfus hesitates for a moment before stepping aside, I smile "Thank you." So far so good..

Heading into the threshold I was met with papers and maps pinned to the wall; coordinates that I didn't understand and landscapes of California, one map of which had a red  _'X'_  where I'm guessing the dam might be. Followed with shelves full of books and documents that could only hold more information of California or the Muir Woods, news paper clippings were scattered along an old Radio Transmitter that's not even close to working. Completely what I expected Dreyfus to live like. A room scattered with knowledge and with only a bunk to sleep on and a portable stove and very little food. Busy I must say.

The heat of the room overwhelmed me to the point where I forcefully rolled up the sleeves of my sweater, by the time I leave I'll probably be drenched in sweat.

"You've.. been busy?" I ask, my tone hesitated when I focused on the wall.

"In a way, the Founders Council and I have been working on the same assignment for the past week." Dreyfus said with a tired tone.

"Had a shitty week as well Dreyfus, so I can relate." I reply, with very little humor to my voice when I nonchalantly crept closer to the wall, studying every detail that my mind can absorb and remember if he declines my offer.

Dreyfus looked to where my attention was set and began to stare down at me, as if he was going to give me a good scolding any minute, and I suppose the longer I stayed staring, the scolding I was going to get. "Why are you really here Miriam?"

"To save you from your troubles" I lied, straight-forward and calm. As I expected he was bewildered, surprised at what I declared, "What in hell are you talking about?"

This is my chance to get a home run, or be sent home and he'll tell my family right off the bat.

"I overheard the meeting you all had half an hour ago. I'm.. guessing I missed half of the meeting since you and Hope were in the middle of arguing over something.. about a dam?" His slow nodding urged me to continue, good, I got his attention now. "What I'm saying is, why waste your time sending a group of people when one could be enough? Less planning to do and less time that'll take me to find the dam." I paused momentarily when I began tugging the attire attached to my wrist, such a hateful habit. "I.. I don't want to feel helpless. All I do here is sit around and go on supply runs and go to school, I want to help out more. Besides.. this isn't for me, it's for the Colony." There it is, there's my lie.. this  _is_  for me, and not  _entirely_  for the Colony, more for myself, to prove a point of how I've felt for years. And to find survivors that might or might not kill me.

"Miriam Grant do you know who your father is?" He said, awfully calm and surprised at the same time, "Or  _how_  he is?"

"I'm well aware of that Dreyfus. Though like I said, I'll be back before you kno-"

"No! no way Miriam, I'm not sending a minor by herself to find a dam! Your father has made that very clear to not mention any of this to you. However I guess that's out of the question since you already found out.."

It was my turn to be pissed off, "Then why was Alex chosen? He's a minor just like myself and he has the chance to go?" With the jealously in full swing I knew exactly why he's going, but it wasn't fair. I quickly averted my gaze to the carpet stained floor with clenched fists, my knuckles soon to turn white. "What has my dad told you?" My voice was now bitter and haunted, this should be a feeble attempt to let me go and to tell Dreyfus that I would find a way to go without anyone knowing.

"V..very few things Miriam." Dreyfus managed to sputter out when I fought the urge to roll my eyes but failed.

"What my dad keeps on forgetting is that it happened seven years ago. Done and over with." The constant chime of the clock above my head continued, but I felt my heart begin to stop. I admit.. I'm being too forceful, I'm nothing like this. I guess that's what happens when I stay in one place for so long and feel restricted enough to crave the urge to go out there, simple human nature. And I can't throw a tantrum by not achieving what I want, so I breathe in and out.

"Just give me a chance.. I'll be back with some information about the dam and all will be well." I knew nothing about Hydroelectric Dams, but if Dreyfus is only asking about the state of the dam that's something I can do.

Minutes passed as Dreyfus shifted himself towards the wall, clearly in concentration as his jaw clenched, I was afraid his teeth my shatter with every passing second.

And with each passing second was his approval to let me go.

Slowly, I exhale, stretching my limbs and flipped through the pages of a book, dust plastered as the thin paper was no longer a pearly and white, instead ivory and discolored from years of being surrounded with outside life. Nothing interesting catches my eye so I close the book with a loud thud. Echoing the room before Dreyfus angled to look at me.

"You really want to do this Miriam?"

I hesitate before saying yes, the words clogged in my throat when I continue to tug on my bracelet, to my surprise I nod ecstatically, "Yes."

Dreyfus is perplexed as he tilts his head, but ends up laughing quietly due to my excitement. "You are the craziest person I've ever met Miriam. No one would've volunteered as quick as you."

Indeed, I hadn't quite believe of what blurted out of my mouth before thinking, so I shrug with hands on my hips. "Then let's get to planning."

"Okay."

Like a wolf I achieved my kill and was provided of what I desired most. Beneath my gratitude I only dragged two people into the game I was about to play, all for the sake of my sanity. What I didn't know.. I was going to regret this decision for the next few weeks. Though I'm thankful that Dreyfus will keep where I'm about to go low profile from the Founders Council and everyone else I know.

So.. perhaps I won't regret this, hopefully..

**(A/N: Well guess what Miri I'm gonna make it hell for you to find that dam, it's all for the plot of the story though haha.)**


End file.
